Lonely in Love

So here I sit, wondering how it’s all going to turn out.  I thought it all was a sure thing, but now it all seems like it’s going swiftly downhill.  I don’t like downhill.  It’s not that I’m always an uphill sort of girl, but in this scenario, I certainly am.  When you’ve been with someone for almost four and a half years, you certain run into some problem areas and you get into some arguments, but you love each other so it’ll all turn out alright.  And then comes that fateful day, when he tells you that sometimes he feels like you’re just friends and that he wonders from time to time what it would be like to date other people.  And you’re sitting there listening with your heart breaking into thousands of little pieces, like a mirror shattering upon the ground, and words just fail you; afterwards you realize that you’ve got to do something to hold on to what is easily the best thing you’ve ever had, but you don’t know if it will be enough, and that hurts even more.  Then it dawns on you: Love makes you a liar or a fool. The one making the promises, making plans that will be kept only if it suits them at a later date, that’s the liar. The liar may be hated and jeered, but they move on. It is far worse to be the fool, the one who believes all the lies, plans a future around them, and whose life and heart are shattered when they realize what role they have acquired. 

I don’t want to end up without him.  I deserve the happily ever after that I’ve been hoping for; I don’t want to be “that” girl, the one who sits and pines after him and wrecks her life because of what she’s lost.  But I’m afraid that may be where I end up. 


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